I used to be all alone, my life was so boring. I just kept living with it, not caring much about it, waiting for the time when it will all get better. Then you appeared in my meaningless life. Everytime I received a notification, I hoped that was you, I hoped to see your name pop up on the screen of my phone. You made me smile, made me dream even during the day. I remember and will always remember the first time we saw each other on cam ; you were trying to do your homework but you insisted on calling me. I didn't talk because of my shyness. Ever since, we kept calling, seeing each other like that for a long time. I enjoyed listening to you singing while playing guitar sometimes; seeing you laugh watching random videos; seeing you getting mad while playing games; watching you falling asleep, snoring and waking up early for school... During all this time you fulfilled that empty space in my life so it became so exciting and joyful.
But now, my smile disappeared. I lost something that kept me alive. That something is you. You, who were filling in a big part in my life. You, who won't come back because you don't even care about me and what we've had. The first time we saw each other in real life was so different from the second time. The first time, you were so nice, you had attractive manners, you kind of took care of me and we surprisingly had a lot of skinship. I enjoyed spending time with you and Cxxxxxxxx. The second time, we barely spoke to each other, and we were like that days before I came back to Lyon. I was really annoyed by not talking to you, by our silence. It's like we stopped talking to each other overnight for no reason. So I was wondering what did I do that made us grow distant gradually? It hurts me more than I already was because I realised that something changed between us a moment ago. Then I tried to avoid talking to you during that time waiting for you to come talk to me first. A week passed and you did talk to me a few days before my departure to Lyon, so I changed my mind and decided that I'll keep talking to you, thinking that maybe you finally still have a little interest in me. But I was wrong. When I finally arrived at Cxxxxxxxx's, we were talking with her friends and then out of nowhere, she said that you told her that there was nothing between us. I didn't know what to do. I was broke. That's the reason why I couldn't speak to you when we saw each other on the next day, I felt uneasy being around you. On top of that, I felt invisible, you were acting like I was not here although I was there all along, just in front of you. You know I can't just come and go to Lyon and stay as much as I want. My visits were limited but you ignored that fact as if I was someone you could see everyday. Only I believed we could be something more because I believed in all the nice things you said to me, but apparently they were lies. When you held my hand, when you hugged me, etc. Are you going to tell me all of this was fake too? Were you just acting? Such a great actor. I won't be able to trust in someone now. You clearly knew how I felt about you, I didn't even have to say it, I had obviously fell for you. Right now, I feel like I've been used, played like a stupid doll. Just to see how you threw me away not even saying a single word, seeing how easily you forgot about me. I don't know why though. I miss you so much but I will let you go, I won't be chasing after you. Just so you know, it will take a long time for me to forget you, knowing that I wasted so much time with you and that there will be no one to light my life up anymore. You had a chance but you chose to just pass it up. That's why I cut off every ways of getting interactions with you; unfriended, unfollowed, blocked, erased. At least, you can play with other dolls -without someone expressing jealousy- now but I already feel sorry for them.